Halt the Hunger

The week after my twenty eight days of diet was a disaster! The first day was girls' night and I thought I could handle it, but I could not. There were too many snacks laying around, too much wine to be offered, too much of everything I had spent almost a month avoiding. I yearned it, and I gave in! I could not stop, and so the first week continued like the first day, over and over again.

I do not have a problem, but after spending so much time without it I really wanted sugar. First thing I drank when I woke up on Sunday was a large glass of chocolate milk. The girls had left some snacks from the day before and I gorged myself on them, not even noticing that I ate that chocolate they had told me tasted like chalk.

The week continued and by the time it was Friday I had eaten what could be a month's worth of sugar. I did have a couple of drinks throughout the week, just because it was so nice to finally have some. I was not after the intoxicated feeling. On Friday we were out with some friends, failing at celebrating Cinco de Mayo in Singapore. I had two beers, one drink and a shot. When we came home we ordered McDonald's and I shared a coke and rum with the others. Next day I drank another class of coke and rum, left over from the day before. Later I had another drink to dinner. My stomach did not feel very well afterwards. I went to bed early, being a bit nauseated and bloated. Regret tore me from the inside, though I was certain that I had wanted to drink and therefore resented the feeling of regret. It was a bit too much to handle and I had to sleep it away.

I am not ashamed of drinking, I think it is okay as long as you can handle yourself. What I am ashamed of is not taking it slow. After a long diet I should not have had as much as I did during that week. Both sugar and alcohol, I find it difficult to say no. I like the taste too much! If there is any snack at home I will bring it with me wherever I go and eat it without thinking twice. Since starting the diet this habit is dying, but I noticed it coming back rather fast when I started eating sugar again. Damn that never satisfied hunger!

It is the start of a new week. Monday. I already pledge another diet plan. No sugar, no alcohol, until the weekend. Only on weekends now! I must contain myself, I must do it. I did it for twenty eight days, I can do it for five and then enjoy myself. I feel like I am being ridiculous; ridiculous for not finding it easy enough to resist. I bought more juice, I am drinking so much water. I can do this. This is where I am changing my life, changing my body, changing a frustrating habit.